I'm Sorry
by RENT-CATS-Fanatic
Summary: It started with me just watching you and it turned into something far more. I'm just sorry that it had to end this way. SLASH


**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN CATS!...which is very sad and SO uncool.**

**Author's Note: GET A TISSUE! Okay for those who don't speak french or take ballet. A pas de duex is a dance between a guy and a girl in ballet. In the movie during the first half of the ball if you look in the background Alonzo and Jemima are doing a little dance and snuggle.**

I only watched. I only examined how the queens go absolutely crazy for him. I only examined my feelings for him. I only watched and examined him. Okay, I admit it! I was watching, no, completely staring at him. I didn't mean to, okay maybe I did mean to but I didn't think my emotions would start to get the best of me while I was completely staring. He was just so...entrancing. He grabbed your attention and you just _had_ to stare at him. Munkustrap most likely thought very differently from what I was thinking but that's because they're related, brothers by blood. At first he didn't really grab my attention but as I kept staring I just couldn't look away, I _had_ to watch him and I noticed that I started getting really upset when he was flirting with all the queens. I don't know what came over me but I just wanted to scream to the Heaviside Layer for him to stop but I kept my cool.

"Alonzo?" I'm brought back to reality by someone softly calling my name. I shake my head a bit and look up at whoever is disturbing me. I don't really focus on who it is at first, all I see is chocolate brown eyes being deeply drowned in concern. "Alonzo?" They say again, obviously noticing that I'm not entirely there. Finally I focus and see the person I was so deeply in thought about, the Rum Tum Tugger.

"H-Hi T-Tugger." I stutter and feel absolutely stupid afterwards, he wasn't frightening or anything so why am I so nervous?

"Are you okay? You seem really out of it." I blink and stare into his eyes, still showing concern. "You want to talk about something?" I shake my head.

"I'm fine, really, I'm just thinking." Tugger smirks a smirk that make me want to scream, it's just _too_ sexy. "What?"

"Thanking about a pretty little queen?" He chuckles. "Cassandra or Jemima? You flirted with both very nicely tonight." I can feel myself turning red from both anger and embarassment.

"I wasn't flirting with Jemima!" Tugger chuckles again.

"Which is why you did the mating dance with Cassi and had your own little pas de duex with Jemima. I completely understand." His smirk turns into a friendly smile and his eyes are no longer drowning in concern. I open my mouth to protest but he cuts me off. "I know, it wasn't like that, right? That's what they all say now tell me what's on your mind." I stare at him in shock, he knows I'm completely lying about thinking about queens.

"It's nothing, I'm just thinking." Tugger looks at me like he doesn't believe me. "I swear!" He nods.

"Sure it is Splotchy." I growl slightly, he knows I hate being called Splotchy. "Hey calm down, I was just kidding." We smiled at each other and I could feel myself turning red again.

"Can I be curious?" I chuckle and Tugger smirks.

"Well you are the curious cat." Tugger smiled, proud of himself.

"What are you thinking about?" My eyes widened, how could I possibly tell him that I was thinking about him? "Hey, you don't have to tell me."

"Tugger I love you!" I knew I said it way too fast and way too blunt but I knew he understood what I said by the shocked expression on his face. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. I stared at the ground, too afraid to make eye contact. Finally I looked up at him and he still looked completely shocked. "I'm sorry." I whispered but it was loud enough for him to hear me. I quickly ran off and flew into a nearby pipe only to discover that it was blocked off so I couldn't go any further.

"Alonzo!" I heard Tugger yelling my name and it became louder and louder.

"Shit." I muttered as I saw his feet at the opening of the pipe.

"Nice work Tugger." I heard him say. "You lost him." I slid to the opening and looked up at him.

"You didn't lose him." I said, sniffling a little and trying not to cry. Tugger looked down at me and sat down in front of me. I slid completely out of the pipe and sat in front of him with no eye contact. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. How long have you loved me Alonzo and please be honest, I want to know." I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes, which were lost behind a dark cloud of confusion and concern.

"I-I don't know. At the ball, during your song, I was just staring at you and I couldn't force myself to look away. I thought it was just because you looked so interesting but as the ball kept going I realized I just loved to watch you dance and I got mad when you flirted with anyone." I sighed and Tugger continued to look at me with a concerned look on his face and the confusion disappeared from his eyes.

"You know, you're quite an eye catcher yourself." Tugger smiled and pulled me into a warm, tight hug. Usually his hugs were comforting or brotherly but this one hug was more loving, like how a mate would hug you. I looked into his eyes again and I saw that they were filled with love. I smiled and tears of extreme happiness slid down my face and Tugger wiped them away and kissed me.

Tugger and I were the happiest cats ever and we spent almost every waking moment with each other. One day I was roaming the junkyard without Tugger, he told me he had an important meeting with Munkustrap and that he would find me as soon as he could. I lept onto a pile of junk and laid down. I was just starting to get comfortable when I heard voices nearby. I rolled over and I saw Tugger with Tumblebrutus and Pouncival. Luckily the pile I was on was hidden from their view but I could see and hear them perfectly so I decided to eavesdrop.

"So we've heard you're going out with Alonzo." Tumblebrutus said, smiling. "Is it true?" Tugger nodded with a smirk on his face.

"So do you really love him or are you just going to get what you want and leave him?" Pouncival's question made my ears perk up and I held my breath. Tugger shook his head and suddenly I knew exactly what smirk was on his beautiful face.

"When have I ever loved someone? I'm just going to get what I want and then leave him like I do to all the queens." Tumblebrutus and Pouncival smiled. They nodded and ran off, leaving Tugger to face my anger.

"You're just using me?!" I yelled and hopped off the pile and landed neatly infront of Tugger. "I'm just another item that you use once and dump into the trashcan?!" I yelled louder than I should have but at that moment I could have cared less, I had a right to yell at him.

"Oh shit." Tugger whispered.

"Oh shit is right! You...I...I can't belive you! You said you loved me and now I see that it's a lie! What else have you lied to me about?! Was your meeting with Munkustrap a lie just so you could get away from me?!"

"Alonzo, please listen-"

"I'm not going to listen!" I didn't mean to cut him off but I just couldn't believe that I was in this situation at the moment. "I want you to tell me the truth about everything! I want to know your feelings and plans and anything else you may have in your brain! I want to know what you're thinking!" Tugger looked hurt but I really didn't care. I was pissed off and I had a right to be.

"I'm really sorry Alonzo, I just don't want anyone to find out about us. I want to keep us a secret and it's not that I'm ashamed of you or anything, it's just that I'm not ready to handle torment by queens because I'm with a tom. I really, truely and deeply love you Alonzo. I really do and nothing can change that but I'm not ready to go public yet." He put a hand on my cheek but I pulled away, tears begining to run down my cheeks. I shook my head and Tugger looked like someone just killed me right infront of him.

"I'm sorry Tugger but if you can't make us public then I won't have you worry about it." I swallowed hard before continuing. "We're over." I turned and ran out of the junkyard. I was crying and I couldn't see where I was going since my tears were clouding my vision. I turned into a nearby alley and sat down. I cryed until there was no more tears to cry.

I woke up and thought about what happened. I looked around the alley and knew that I didn't dream breaking up with Tugger. I wiped my eyes and headed back into the junkyard. I made my way to Tugger's den to apologize for exploding infront of him and hopefully getting back together. I slunk into his den and looked around.

"Tugger?" No answer so I made my way further into the den. "Tugger?" I called again but I still didn't get an answer, only the echo of my shaking voice calling his name. I took a few more steps into the den and saw a paper on the floor. I picked it up and read it.

'Alonzo I just want you to know that I love you and that I'm very ashamed of myself for fearing the loss of queens. I shouldn't care and I truely love you. I'm writing this as an apology and as a final note.' The note ended there as Tugger's handwriting filled the whole page. I began to panic and I ran deeper into the den. That's where I found him, laying on the floor with a bloody piece of paper and pencil beside him. There was a pool of blood around his arm and I saw that the blood came from his arm where he cut himself. I gently touched the deep wounds to his arm and placed my hand on his cheek. I quickly pulled it away from his cold cheek and I left streaks. I pulled him into my lap and cried. I looked over at the bloody peice of paper and I could easily see what it said.

'I'm sorry' Then there was a heart for love. 'Tugger' I cried harder, realizing that I made him so upset that he commited suicide.

"I write this as an apology and as a final note. Tugger and I truely loved each other and now you know the truth of what happened to us. We took our own lives and I hope that whoever finds us and reads this will learn from our mistake." Old Deuteronomy put down the note and looked at all the crying and teary eyed faces of the tribe. Munkustrap quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and sniffed. Cassandra and Bombalurina were holding each other and Etcetera was crying so hard she almost couldn't breath. Mistoffelees was teary eyed but he refused to cry but as he looked at his older brother and his father he quickly broke down. Munkustrap hopped down from the tire and pulled him into a hug.

"May Tugger and Alonzo rest in peace and find happiness in the Heaviside Layer."

**Author's Note: This was a story based on a piece of fanart that I found. I don't remember who drew it but I looked at the picture and I said "I'm going to write a story on this." I know this is really short but it's only an attempt to get rid of writer's block.**


End file.
